Saturday, September 18, 2010

I Used to . . . . . . . But Now I . . . . . . .

This year the theme at my school is "If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies." The state of Arizona and the Cartwright District has gone through some amazing changes. Unfortunately, the major load of "change" has fallen on the teachers. "They" are asking teachers to do more and more with less and less; less money and especially less time. (Don't even get me started on the 4 hour ELD block. The state department needs some lessons in mental math.) As I think about all the changes that teachers are expected to go through I think about how many changes I have made. I have made huge changes in my teaching styles and philosophies. It hasn't been easy, but it is what is best for students.

Then as I think about the changes I have made at work I think about the changes I have made in my own life and I have found that there are many changes about me:

I used to be adventurous. For being a crippled kid I have done some amazing things. I have gone river rafting. I have been hot air ballooning. I have been desert jeeping. I have ridden in a glider plane. I have had my wheelchair in places it never should have gone. I have been camping and motorcycle riding. I worked out three days a week. I was game for anything. If someone was willing to get me somewhere, I willing to do it. "Sure, toss me in that balloon or throw me over your shoulder and let's climb that mountain!" And then it happened, my car accident and I became a wimp. I am afraid to do anything. I am now always worried that I am going to fall out of my chair and it is going to hurt. I used to be adventurous but now I am a wimp!

I used to be patient. I could wait forever for something. For example, once I wanted this coffee table and I visited the furniture store every Saturday for six months until I saved enough money to get it. Six months! For a coffee table! I used to be patient with people. I didn't mind answering the same question eighty times a day. I didn't mind sending out the same reminder to get something done daily and then have someone not get it done. I am no longer patient. Wait . . . I am very patient with children. It's adults I am not patient with.  I cannot tolerate shtupid adults. I know, there are times I have been very shtupid and I should have patience with others, but my shtupidity usually only affects me. Now, I get very snarky with people. I don't care what your job is just make it your goal to do it well and don't keep asking shtupid questions. I used to be patient, but now I don't even have the patience to try to be patient.

I used to dress for glamour.  I dressed hip. I had matching shoes, earrings and necklaces for every outfit. Sometimes I spent more for accessories than I did for the outfit. My favorite line from the movie Steel Magnolias was: "Our ability to accessorize is what separates us from the animals." I was in style and it didn't matter how uncomfortable I was; the only thing that mattered was that I looked good. Who cared if I couldn't breathe? And now I dress for comfort. Actually, I blame my handicap. It is getting more and more difficult for me to do things, and to be able to keep going I have to give up somethings and glamour happens to be one of those things. I used to be glamorous but now I wouldn't know style if it slapped because easy clothes are not stylish.

I used to NOT be a dog person. As a child, I had pets and they were nice to have around. When they passed it was sad but not overly devastating. As an adult I never wanted a dog. What does a crippled kid need with a dog. I have enough trouble taking care of myself why would I want to care for an animal? And then Janet kept bugging about getting a dog. She insisted I needed a little buddy. Then I got it in my head and my lack of patience took over and I just got one. And now I have become a dog person. I have become a two dog person! I cannot imagine my life without "Da Boyz"! I have complete conversations with them. We go everywhere together.  But they have earned there keep. I stopped taking my blood pressure medicine over a year ago and I believe it is because of Da Boyz.  Da Boyz keep me busy. Da Boyz keep me active. Da Boyz make me laugh. And no matter how impatient, unfriendly or bitchy that I am Da Boyz still love me. I used to NOT be a dog person, but now life without Da Boyz would be uninmaginable!

I used to think I couldn't live without a man. What was I thinking? If I wasn't handicapped, I would be living in a cabin in the woods of Montana baking bread with only Da Boyz. Dogs do what you ask and love you no matter what!

As I think about what I used to be or do I realize many of these changes come with age. I used to be young but now I am old. There are things that will never change about me: I will always be grateful to those who have been there for me, I will always love accolades; I am a frustrated actress, I will always be bitchy and opinionated;that is just the way I am, I will ALWAYS love my job and strive to do the best at my job, I will always put my trust in God and I pray that I will always be quick-witted. If there is ever a time I am not quick-witted, get a big pillow!

Paco's Perspective

I used to be tiny but now I am stocky.
I used to be your one and only but now I have to share.
I used to twirl, oh, wait, I still do.

The Flip Side

I used to be hungry but then I found you guys.
I used to used to be young and stupid but now I am . . . . 
Let me try again, I used to be obsessed with lizards but now I am . . . . . 
Okay, never mind, did you see that lizard outside? I think it was Big Daddy.

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes we just run out of that element that keeps us perfectly pseudo-nice all the time. Not always a bad thing...