Sunday, August 1, 2010

Flirtatious Texting

I am in my fifties, so technology is not my thing. I have a fancy phone that has a keyboard and the internet, and if I wanted I could download apps, but I don't know what I would do with them.  Everyone texts . . . there are no longer phone conversations, Heaven forbid, if you actually had a face-to-face conversation, or wrote a letterI got the phone with a keyboard so I could text, otherwise it would take me hours to text one sentence. Also, because I am a teacher I have to text every word and put in every punctuation. I would prefer to spell-check and grammar-check my text before sending it. 

Yesterday I had an interesting texting experience. It was very flirtatious and kind of naughty. In the morning I received a text that stated: call me (with a phone number) *VAL*. 

 I only know one Val and she is someone I work with so I responded: Val Dadadada?

*VAL* replied: funny this is rodas phone. I didn't return any text because I knew it was a mistake. Then I received a phone call from the same number and *VAL* said in a deep manly voice, "What are you doing?"

I replied like I always do to that question, "Just a sec, let me check  . . . . . . nothing!"

*VAL*, "Do you want to do something?"

I replied, "Sure, but I am not who you think I am. You have the wrong number." *VAL apologized and hung up. I figured we were done. WRONG! 

Much later that evening I received another text from *VAL* with a phone number that said, call me.

Me: Val, This is the wrong number, AGAIN! You have to face the facts. She gave you the wrong number on purpose. That's what mean girls do.

*VAL*: Will u be my friend?

Me: No

*VAL*: So %&#* buddies is out

Me: I am probably old enough to be your mother. Go to the bar again tonight and try to pick up a nice girl.

*VAL*: Im 47

Me: 47? Correction - Go to the bar and pick up a nice lady!

*VAL*: You are a nice lady can i pick u up i dont drink

Me: Neither do I and I am a bitch!

*VAL*: U can spank me and be mean 2 me

Me: Your mother would be ashamed.

*VAL*: U can be my mom

Me: You are a knucklehead.

*VAL*: But im nice and real

Me: Good luck on finding a NICE  lady that will give her REAL number.

*VAL* Whats your name?

Me: Guess . . . .

*VAL* babydoll

Me: You are amazing, you got it on the first guess!

*VAL*: That means we are meant 2 play together so how about it?

Me: No thanks, but have a nice night.

*VAL*: ok u 2 God bless

Me: Backatcha

*VAL*: thx  

During our "conversation, I imagined *VAL* three different ways. Remember my secret passions: MacGyver, pirates and bad boys. I first imagined *VAL* tall, dark and handsome sitting in a wing-backed chair dressed like a clean pirate with his leg dangling over the arm to make room for his sword, of course. Then I imagined *VAL* as an old, ugly, overweight pervert shirtless with a beer belly watching sports while texting. Finally and the scariest thought of all, I imagined *VAL* as one of those serial killers from the TV show Criminal Minds standing outside my bedroom window peering in at me watching me text him. (SHUTTER!)

I am sure *VAL* was imagining me as a tall, petite, voluptuous, blonde cougar. Hey, wait that's how I imagine myself, too. I am sure he wasn't imagining an overweight crippled woman in easy clothes

I was secretly hoping *VAL* would text me today, but he didn't. Our flirtatious texting affair is over. It was fun while it lasted. 

Paco's Perspective

So that is why you were giggling last night. 

The Flip Side

So that's why you wouldn't take us for a walk last night. You were afraid! Don't worry, I"ll protect you.