We are generally not fast food people and my sister, Caren, wants nothing to do with fast food. She would rather find something at home to make or go without. She and I have a difficult time on the way to Montana deciding what we want to eat because there isn’t much fast food we have tried.
The other day Darrell texted Caren to tell us we had to stop and get food to bring home because the guy started working on the kitchen cabinets and we couldn’t get into the kitchen to even get plates or silverware. There are no fast food places near our home so we had to quickly pick a place before we got too close to home.
“Caren, there is a Kentucky Fried Chicken right here on the corner,” I suggested.
“I hate KFC,” she replied.
“Well . . . . there is a Jack-in-the-Box by the Fry’s,” I tried again.
“Jack-in-the-Box! Are you kidding me? Yuck!”
“You like chicken,” me trying one more time.
“Not fried chicken!”
“They have grilled.”
“Okay, I guess but they better have something I like.” We proceeded to pull into the KFC drive-thru. Caren started reading the menu.
“Look at that!” she shouted. “One breast of chicken is seven dollars!”
“There are sides that come with it,” me trying to alleviate her angst.
“But who pays seven dollars for ONE chicken breast? That’s crazy,” Caren lamented. “I’m just going to get a bucket of chicken.”
“But we only eat the breasts and usually there is only one breast in a bucket of chicken,” I was starting to whine.
“Darrell will eat the rest of the bucket,” she informed me.
“Darrell isn’t going to eat eight pieces of chicken. Caren, we gotta go there are people behind us,” I informed her.
“But I don’t know what I want,” she said with trepidation.
“There is another menu by the speaker. But we gotta move.”
When we get to the speaker where one shouts what they want Caren begins another rant about the seven-dollar chicken breast. “I am not paying seven dollars for one chicken breast. Do you know that I just bought a pack of chicken breasts at Fry’s for ten dollars. And they had a sale. It was buy one, get two free. SO I got three packs of chicken breast for ten dollars and these jokers want me to spend seven dollars for ONE, I REPEAT ONE CHICKEN BREAST!”
“It comes with fries,” trying to console her.
“May I take your order?” asks the speaker box.
“First, I don’t eat fries! Second there are not enough fries in the world that could be put in that ‘Chicken Breast Box’ that could make up for paying seven dollars for one breast of chicken. Oh my God! That car has pulled up behind me and now the driver is flinging his hands in the air. I gotta decide! I can’t decide! I can’t pay seven dollars for one chicken breast,” Caren whines starting to definitely meltdown.
“May I take your order?” asks the speaker box but slightly louder.
I quickly scan the menu board looking for something that is less than seven dollars. “Look, they have baskets for $5.99!”
“Where? I don’t see that?” she asks.
Right there, where it says baskets. Three chicken tender come in a basket with slaw and a biscuit.”
“Only three chicken tenders! Do you know how small chicken tenders are? NOBODY EATS CHICKEN TENDERS. Darrell is not going to want chicken tenders!” she replies in full meltdown.
“Um . . .may . . .I . . .take . . .your order?” asks the speaker box hesitantly.
“Oh . . .my . . .God! The person behind me is flinging their hands harder and higher. I can’t do this!” Shouting at the speaker box, “I am sorry but I can’t do .. oo . . .oo . . . th . . I . . .i . . .i . . .is! No one in their right mind should pay seven dollars for one chicken breast!’
“it come with fries and a side,” comforts the speaker box.
“But then I have to choose a side?” Caren cries. “The man behind me is flinging, my heart is pounding, and my head is whirling . . .”
“We have chicken tender baskets . . . ,” replies the speaker box tentatively.
“Really? CHICKEN TENDERS? Darling, nobody wants chicken tenders! I just have to drive thru, and go home with no food. I should have just gone to McDonald’s.”
“Have a nice day,” says the speaker box cheerily.
After stopping at the Burrito Barn food truck, we made it home with something to eat. When we got in the house Caren glares at Darrell and says, “Tomorrow, if we can’t get into the cabinets, you are cooking chicken on the grill and I don’t care if we have to use flat rocks for plates and eat with our fingers. I am NOT going through a fast food drive-thru!”
I smiled, “Um . . .Darrell, we, as in she, kind of had a fast food meltdown in the drive-thru of the KFC,” I informed him.
Darrell replies, “Kentucky Fried Chicken? I LOVE Kentucky Fried Chicken. It’s ‘finger-lickin’ good! My favorite is the chicken tenders. I just love chicken tenders!”
Chicken tenders? Did someone say chicken tenders?
The Flip Side
I would have helped Uncle Darrell eat the other eight pieces of chicken. P.S. everybody loves chicken tenders. They are tender and juicy and just the right size. MMMMMMMM!