Recently, while Caren was in town we had a small meeting of the “sistah”hood. We had made special plans to gather for an initiate, and the initiate had the audacity to not show. Well, at that moment I decided there had to be some rules.
RULES OF THE “SISTAH”HOOD
1. Always attend a meeting of The “Sistah”hood, unless you have a doctor appointment, dentist appointment, gynecologist appointment, neurologist appointment, any other appointment or a date with a child, husband, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, or someone you like a whole lot better than the “sistahs”.
2. Always be prepared to gather when a “sistah” calls, unless you live out of country, out of state, out of city , out of block or you are out of your mind.
3. Don’t bring a non”sistah” to a “sistah”hood function, unless she has treats, bottles of our favorite wines, and she is prepared to dress like Snookie, sing the official “sistah”hood song and dance on the table.
4. Always be prepared to help a “sistah” on and off the table of any drinking establishment and never walk away from a “sistah” dancing on a table, unless her antics are just too embarrassing.
5. Always be prepared to pick up the tab, unless you have devised a plan to sneak out or to run to the bathroom when the check comes.
6. Always be kind to a “sistah’s” family, unless it consists of asinine jerks or you just don’t like they way they look.
7. Always be prepared to speak in some kind of an accent, unless you don’t know how to do accents, and then be prepared to not speak at all.
8. Always make a “sistah” aware of a wardrobe malfunction, unless it is just too darn funny watching her walk around in public with her dress stuck in her pantyhose and toilet paper stuck to her shoe.
9. Always lavish your “sistahs” with expensive gifts, unless you have no money then lavish them with compliments, and please do it without giggling.
10. Always wear your “sistah”hood pin and memorize the words to the official song (frontwards and backwards). Oh wait, there is no “sistah”hood pin or song.
After reading the above, forementioned rules, and you would still like to become a “sistah” fill out the application below:
The name you would like to be called:
Address: (don’t put a real address, unless you want everyone’s junk mail sent to you)
Sex: How often?
If you could who?
Favorite book: (fill in only if you read)
Who would you like to be deserted on an island with? (Warning, trick question!)
Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
Are you willing to be?
Religious preference: (just in case)
References: (Really important people you know, don’t list your mama!)
After filling in the above application and you still want to be a “sistah”, all right, already, you can be “sistah”, unless you are a male and that could probably be overlooked (“sistahs” love pocket gays). If you get an outfit, you can be a “sistah”too.
I have lots of outfits. Which one should I wear? I have a pig, devil, spider, elf, reindeer and funny nose and glasses. I would be willing to share with the “sistahs”!
The Flip Side
Am I a sistah? What is one called after “the operation”?