Saturday, November 20, 2010

I'd Rather Be Poked in the Eye With a Sharp Stick Than . . . . . . .

Go to Wal-Mart
I know, I know everybody loves Wal-Mart! NOT ME!  I always have to dodge stuff in aisles of Wal-Mart. I have had to work my way around dirty diapers, pickles, sticky candy covered children, and very smelly people. 
I think Wal-Mart is the drop off station for alien abduction rejects. In Kallispell, Montana a new Wal-Mart was built across from the Cost Co. Now Kallispell is a small town and there was already one Wal-Mart in town, I couldn't believe that the town would actually need two. But, if you build it, they will come. Everytime we drove by the ENTIRE parking lot was completely full. There are not that many people in the whole state of Montana let alone Kallispell, Montana. The amount of people at that Wal-Mart everyday supports my alien-abduction-rejects-drop-off-center theory. That's why the people in Wal-Mart always look lost. They are wandering around thinking, "How did I get here?"

Eat with skinny girls
There are two kinds of skinny girl eaters: 1) The kind that eat nothing and inform their fellow eaters how many calories are in everything that they put in their mouth, or 2) The kind that eat everything and never gain an ounce. I hate them both. I am not one that goes out much, but when I do I am there for only one thing and that's the food. I don't want to hear,
"Do you know how many calories are in that salad dressing? You might as well put that fried food you are eating directly in your arteries! I'll have the broccoli salad with no dressing and absolutely no bacon. Oh, and there better not be any cheese on the plate. Yes, just put three pieces of broccoli on a plate with some raw carrots on the side. You're not really thinking about ordering dessert?"


But then there is the skinny girl that eats everything. She pulls up to the table in her size 0 skinny jeans and the conversation goes like this,
"Oooooooo, let's start with an appetizer. Maybe we can get the sampler plate. I'll have one of those and one of those and one of those, and don't forget to bring the dessert tray by before you bring the check.
Are you going to eat all that? After we are done here, I have to stop at the store and buy a new pair of jeans I am just swimming in these. Do you think there is such a thing as a size negative 2?"

The only thing worse than eating with a skinny girl is shopping with a skinny girl, but at least they don't shop at Wal-Mart.

Paco's Perspective

I'd rather be poked in the eye with a sharp stick than share my toys with Flip.

The Flip Side

I don't want to be poked in the eye with a sharp stick. What are you guys thinking? That would hurt!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Oh, Pooh!

The first Winnie the Pooh book was written about eighty-five years ago. I love the Pooh Squad, but not the Disney Pooh Squad. I am old and I love the original Pooh Squad. I am the same way about books and movies; I would rather have the old originals. If you've never read a Winnie the Pooh book, please do so. Although A. A. Milne wrote the stories for his son Christopher Robin, if you read them, you will find that they were really written for adults.  I believe all adults need a strong helping of Pooh (the bear that is)!

Some of my favorite quotes come from Christopher Robin, Winnie and their pals:

"If you want to make a song more hummy, add a few tiddley poms." Winnie the Pooh

I always add tiddley poms to my songs. I add them out of necessity because I usually don't know the word to songs. I am the brunt of musical jokes among family members and friends. I DO NOT know the names of songs. I DO NOT know who sings songs. I, especially, DO NOT know the words to songs. (For example, I always thought the song, "Betty Davis Eyes" was "Better Days Aside". It works! "She's got better days aside!") AND . . .  my father always said I couldn't carry a tune in a sack, so I DO NOT sing songs.

"It is more fun to talk to someone that doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like, "What about lunch?" Winnie the Pooh

I am definitely with the Bear of very little brain on this one. Teachers don't really get to do lunch. Teachers have the ability to eat a seven course meal in seven minutes because that is about how much time they have for lunch on a good day. There are days when I just want to go to lunch.  If you want to make me happy, just say these three simple words, "What about lunch?"

"A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference." Eeyore

I still need to work on this one. As I have stated in many blogs I do not have patience for shtupid adults.  There should be a law against shtupid people older than thirty. By the age of thirty, everyone must stop being shtupid, or else we are going to have to put all the shtupid adults in a room together and they can shtupid each other to death.

"Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear and not bothering." Piglet

I am okay with doing nothing. I might have that perfected, but it is the "not bothering" that is difficult for me. I bother and bother and bother and bother! I worry silently way too much about things that are way too little.  I need to stop! I need to listen (to the voice of God)!

"You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for things to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes." Winnie the Pooh

Damn, does this mean I have to leave the house? Pooh, are you trying to tell me that handsome men don't come knocking on the door looking for you? Are you telling me people don't come knocking on the door saying, "What about lunch?"? Oh, Pooh!

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin

I have this quote on my school web page. Many have asked why my students have done so well on tests and in the area of behavior.  I would tell my class every year, "My class is always the best class in the school and the smartest class in the school. We have a big responsibility to keep that happening, but I believe in you and I know you can do it!" I hate the words "but they can't do this", or "this class won't". I believe we should get rid of the words: can't, won't, and don't. 
I also know many adults that need to read this quote daily. There are many adults who don't believe in themselves. Cut and paste this quote, blow it up, and stick it on your mirror because "you ARE braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think"! 

Paco's Perspective

"Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake." Winnie the Pooh

The Flip Side

"Did you ever stop to think and forget to start again?" Winnie the Pooh