Sunday, May 14, 2017

It's a Cacaphony

I live outside of the city in an acreage community where one can own any kind of animal except pigs. Most homes are on two acres, so it’s like a little ranch community.  When we have visitors the first thing that is said is, “Wow! It’s so quiet out here!”

My reply, “Mmmmmmmmm, not really.  It’s a cacophony out here.  Did you know that the mockingbird sings until it finds its mate?  It doesn’t stop singing when it gets dark either.  It sings all night long!”

One might ask, “What’s wrong with birds singing? I love to hear birds singing.”

“ A mockingbird lives up to its name.  It imitates other birds’ songs and the most distinctive part of the song.  Just what I’ve always wanted the bird version of Jimmy Fallon outside my window at two o’clock in the morning.  Then there are the coyotes. When you think of coyotes I bet you picture a coyote howling at the moon.  Coyotes don’t howl.  They also don’t bark.  They yip and whine.  When they catch their prey they yip and whine even louder. Have you ever heard a bunny scream?”

“By the way did I tell you about the neighbor’s cow. She moos all the time.  She moos when she is lonely, she moos when she is hungry and she moos when she escapes and ends up right near my bedroom window. The last time the neighbor came to fetch his cow I heard him say to her, ‘Brandy, if you break out one more time, you’re going to end up on the dinner table.’  Brandy must have escaped again because I haven’t heard her mooing in a long time.” 

“When the coyotes have gone to their den, the cow has settled done, the dogs have stopped barking, the mockingbird has become hoarse, the roosters start to crow”

One might think, “Hey, roosters only crow when the sun comes up.”

“One has thought wrong.  Roosters crow when someone turns on a light.  Roosters crow at a full moon.  Roosters crow when the sun goes down, roosters crow when the sun comes up, and they start crowing two hours before the sun comes up.”

“When the rooster starts crowing about 3:30 a.m. that wakes up the peacock.  The peacock is the finale of the crescendo outside my window. Then the screams of the peacock wakes up the mockingbird and the cacophony starts again.”

Don’t take this wrong, readers, I love my cacophony! I am an old lady. I don’t need much sleep. Besides, I could never move back to the “city” it’s way too noisy! 

Paco's Perspective
You said caca! You said caca! You said caca!

The Flip Side
Hey, Knucklehead, she didn't say caca! She said caca funny, like, you stepped in my caca! Funny!

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Singing for a Girl That’s Never Coming to the Dance

Recently someone in my neighborhood has acquired a peacock. Peacocks are beautiful birds when they strut their stuff but they also can be a pain in the arse (as a kilted Scot would say).
The peacock is the national bird of India. The peafowl is prominent in the mythology and folklore of the Indian people. The Hindus consider the bird to be sacred because the god, Kartikeya, rides on its back. Also legends hold that the peafowl can charm snakes and make their eggs become rotten.
Apparently, there are benefits to owning peafowl. I read in a blog (yes, people actually blog about peafowl), “a good peafowl can have all the loyalty of a dog, all the self-reliance of a cat, and all the ease of maintenance of a goldfish--though when a full-grown peafowl dies, it can be a lot harder to flush down the toilet.” Peafowl also eat lizards, roaches, spiders, snakes and scorpions. They are also very territorial and will let one know when someone or something nearing one’s yard.
The main disadvantage of peafowl, besides they are birds and they poop, is they are noisy. Peafowl supposedly have seven distinct calls including a distress call, a get out of my yard call, a look how cool I am call and a hey, chicky baby, come this way call. During mating season peacocks call to their mates in the early morning and when the sun goes down.
The peacock that has been hanging around my house starts calling for his lady around 3:15 a.m. I know it’s 3:15 because I have been waking up to his “hey, chicky baby, come this way” call for about a week. Unfortunately for Mr. Peacock, most people own peacocks and not peahens. One because they don’t want little peacocks, and also because peahens aren’t as beautiful as the peacock. So every day Mr. Peacock starts singing for a girl that’s never coming to the dance. Believe me it doesn’t sound like singing. The mating call of a peacock sounds like an off-key cat caught by a rocking chair. I can’t imagine what the “get out of my yard” call sounds like, if the mating call is suppose to be the most attractive call.
Peafowl have a tendency to wander, if one doesn’t acclimate them to their home before letting them out. No offense to Mr. Peacock and the people of India but I hope he wanders back to India. If he wants, I’ll by him a ticket to his homeland.

Paco’s Perspective
Singing for the girl that’s never coming to the dance. That’s a great title for a country western song. I can hear Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood singing the chorus”
As he steps on the stage, he prays
She’ll give one more chance
But he’s singing for a girl that’s never
Coming to the dance

The Flip Side
Peacocks eat lizards? No wonder, there aren’t as many lizards to chase. I’ll pitch in for Mr. Peacock's trip home.