Nanny, Nanny, Poo-Poo, Karma Got a Hold of You

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kar ma (kahr-muh) noun Hinduism, Buddhism action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation; fate; destiny

When I first started teaching many years ago there was a horrible second grader where I taught. Let’s call him The Devil’s Spawn. He was the worst. Every day he was in the office or being dragged to the office and I mean literally dragged.

One day I observed my principal, a skinny, young thang in heels trying to drag The Devil’s Spawn to the office. Every couple of feet he would drop to the ground and refused to get up. She would yank him up and proceed to drag him a few feet farther. I could tell she was losing steam, so I came up behind them and when she yanked him off the ground I positioned my wheelchair under him and she placed him in my lap. I wrapped my arm around him while she held his hands and we proceeded to the office with The Devil’s Spawn screaming in a hoarse voice and kicking my legs the entire time.

Every day after that incident, The Devil’s Spawn would see me and growl. Every time he walked by me, he would sing under his breath, “I hate Miss Cunningham!” or “Miss Cunningham is ugly!” and I would just smile that knowing smile. This went on for months and then his time came.

I was on my way to the office and The Devil’s Spawn was sitting in the breezeway to the office crying. I went up to him and asked in my sweet teacher voice, “What’s wrong, Buddy?”

He bawled, “I have to go to the oooooffice annnnnnnd my mommmmmy said if I have to go to the ooooffice one more time she will take all my t-t-t-toys away from me.”

I looked around and noticed we were the only ones in the breezeway, so I leaned in close to his face, smiled and snickered, “Ha, ha you’re in trouble.” And then I sang, “Nanny, nanny, poo-poo, karma got a hold of you!”  As I drove away I said, ‘Have a great day at home sitting in your room with no toys.”

As I rounded the corner, I heard him wail, “I don’t waaaant karmaaaaaaa to get me! Whaaat’s karmaaaa?”

There are some people that I can’t wait for karma to get a hold of and I am sure there are those that waiting for me to get a visit from karma.

Paco’s Perspective

I am thinking karma and God are the same person.

The Flip Side

So those bunnies that sit outside the fence and point and laugh at me will eventually get a visit from karma? I hope I’m there to see it.

Thank You Notes

Uncle Chuck was married to my father’s sister and MY Aunt Co. Uncle Chuck was known as Caren’s Uncle Chuck. I spent a lot of time with Aunt Co, and Caren spent a lot of time with Uncle Chuck most likely because he was a golfer. Caren’s Uncle Chuck passed away recently and I wanted to dedicate a blog to him and write about him, but unfortunately because I didn’t spend a lot of time with him I am having trouble composing my words for him.

He was always kind to me. I never heard him raise his voice when I visited Aunt Co and Uncle Chuck. As I reflect on the times I spent with him and Aunt Co I know that he lived by the mantra “happy wife, happy life”. Uncle Chuck would do anything for Aunt Co. She didn’t like to cook, so he cooked. Happy wife, happy life! Aunt Co and I loved to peruse the local swap meets and Uncle Chuck would go with us and follow us around the place I am sure bored out of his gourd. Aunt Co would say, “Isn’t that nice?” And he would respond, “Um, yea, sure. Get it, if you want it.” Sometimes Aunt Co and I would find the most God awful thing and Aunt Co would say, “Isn’t that nice?” And Uncle Chuck would always respond, “Um, yea, sure. Get it, if you want it.” Happy wife, happy life! Every morning Uncle Chuck would go to the local drive thru and get Aunt Co a large diet Coke. Every morning! Happy wife, happy life! Aunt Co had a thing for decorating rooms with themes. One day Uncle Chuck would be brushing his teeth in a golf themed bathroom and that evening he would go into the same bathroom that suddenly had a country theme. Aunt Co would ask, “What do you think?” Uncle Chuck would respond, no matter what, “Oh, WOW, Hun, that’s great!” Happy wife, happy life!

Uncle Chuck was with MY Aunt Co through every step of her battle with cancer. He dutifully cared for her to her dying day. 

When Uncle Chuck was alive I should have told him how much I respected him for his undying love for Aunt Co.

Why do we wait until someone’s dies to ponder on things we have learned from them?

I’ve decided not to wait. I want to list some lesson that I have learned from different people in my life. First I want to apologize to anyone who feels they should have been on this list but were left off. 

Mom and Dad, Thanks for teaching me that there are no obstacles in life only hurdle to jump. Also, thanks for making me realize that being handicapped is a reason to work harder not less.

Gerry, Thanks for being mom’s pal. DaBoyz thank you for all your love too.

Chris and Colleen, Thanks for oozing an unfathomable faith in God. Chris, you left an extremely well paid position to take the moral high ground and because you knew God wanted it and you had faith in Him that things would be okay.  Colleen, you have moved to and from Phoenix quite a few times because someone needed you with the never dying thought, “God will take care of me.”

Norma, Thanks for teaching me “positive intentions”. You have always said, “No teacher drives to work muttering, ‘I think I will see how many children’s lives I can destroy’. Everyone has positive intentions.” I no longer get upset with people because I always think about you saying, “Now, Cathy, remember, positive intentions!”

Illona, Thanks for sending me quotes about facing life’s challenges. Thanks for sharing your many epiphanies about why we are here and what we should be doing. Also, thanks for keeping me alive all these years.

Rhonda, Thanks for teaching me to keep going in the face of adversity. You have had to face so many challenges and you have done it without missing a day of work. I am sure you have that “faith in God thing”, too.

Phyllis, Thanks for showing me what “Christian love” feels like and looks like. I think you are “the” example of “God’s love”. I have said many times, “When I grow up I want to be just like Phyllis!”

Darrell, Thanks for teaching me straight forward thinking. Keep your eye on the prize. Thanks for loving Caren and also living by the mantra, “happy wife, happy life”. 

Gramma Anne, Thanks to for being my Montana Mama. It is so comforting to know that you are there waiting for Caren and I to arrive with hot vegetable stew and snickerdoodles. Also, thanks for playing endless hours of games all those Montana summer nights. You are our Montana cairn. 

Janet, Thanks for being my friend, confidant, and caretaker for so many years. You’ve taught me to suck it up and keep on going. You can do more in one hour than an army of folks could do in a week. You are an amazing woman!

To all the sistahs, you know who you are, what you’ve done and what you’re expected to do.

Sue and Mary, Thanks for being longtime friends and my weekly movie buddies. You have schooled me in never having to pay for popcorn. But what I enjoy most about our weekly adventures are our chats at lunch. If we were in charge of the world . . . . .

Cheryl, Thanks for being my carpool friend this year. I wish I knew the answers to the questions on those darn radio quizzes.

C. Store (Caren), Thanks for everything! You make me laugh and cry for happy. Thanks for giving up so much for me.  Words cannot express . . . . . . .

DaBoyz, Thanks for teaching me about unconditional love. You are always happy to see me and ready to lick me in the face.

To all the teachers I have taught with over the years, Thanks for TEACHING me so much. I have learned from every single one of you, young and old. Thanks for your undying dedication to the children of Cartwright School District. 

Students of the past 38 years, Thanks for making every day different. Thanks for giving me a purpose in life.

I wish that I could say that I have internalized everything I have learned and have become one amazing human. But, I have a long way to go and I know all of these people will be there every step of the way.

Readers, instead of valentine cards this year send out thank you cards before it’s too late.

Paco's Perspective

Thank you, to whoever makes dog treats! YUM! YUM!

Roses are red, violets are blue. I love dog treats! WOO! HOO!

The Flip Side

Bunnies, Thanks for multiplying so frequently so I have so many bunnies to chase!

Rose are red, violets are blue. I love to chase bunnies!  What rhymes with bunnies?

Science Test?

Every quarter we are expected to give a science test. One might think this is no big deal because kids need to be tested on what they learn. The problem is no one has time to teach science. There are certain state standards that must me taught before the “high stakes” state testing date. On my district’s pacing guide there are 65 English Language Arts standards, 34 Math standards and 10 Speaking and listening standards. That’s 107 standards!

Those of you that are math whizzes did the math and realized that’s only about 3 standards a week. That would be true if the test was given at the end of the school year, but is usually given about six weeks before the end of the school year. Fifth grade teachers in Arizona are expected to teach 3.5 to 4 standards per week. No big deal? Below is an example of a fifth grade state standards:

ELA Standard

Demonstrate understanding of figurative, word relationships, and nuances in word meanings.

a.      Interpret figurative language including similes and metaphors in context.

b.     Recognize and explain the meaning of common idioms, adages, and proverbs.

c.     Use the relationship between particular words (e.g. synonyms, antonyms, homophones, homographs) to better understand each of the words.

That’s a lot to teach with three other standards in one week.

Unfortunately, there is no time to open the science kit. Many say science can be integrated into teaching the reading standards. That’s correct but it’s no fun reading about catapults and force. It’s so much more fun building them and using them, but it takes up so much time.

All this is leading up to some funny answers that I got from students from one of the questions on the science test:

Mary, Sue and Janet wanted to have a contest on who could throw a ball the farthest. They all brought balls from home. Mary had a football, Sue had a basketball and Janet had a baseball. They drew a line on the ground that they could not cross. Mary threw the football standing behind the line, Sue took two steps and threw the basketball and Janet took a running start and threw the baseball.

How could you change the contest to make it fair? 

Answers:

I would let the air out of the football and basketball.

To make the contest fair I would make them all bake a cake since they are girls. (This answer was written by a girl. Apparently being in an all girl class hasn’t taught her the importance of not stereotyping.)

To win the contest I would take all the balls and I would run. I would run like the wind. (This student may not have understood the question but she showed me that she knows how to use similes to strengthen her writing.)

Paco’s Perspective

Apparently, you need to be teaching the effects of variables on competitions.

The Flip Side

BALLS! You said balls! Tee hee hee hee . . . . .

Hurray! I found the Police Blotter!

While in Montana, one of our favorite things to do is read the Police Blotter from the local paper The Flathead Beacon. The Police Blotter has crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s Department. Visitors can’t wait until the new Beacon arrives. We congregate in the kitchen, have drinks, make dinner, read the Police Blotter and laugh until we cry or pee our pants whichever comes first.

I was cleaning out the backpack on my wheelchair the other day and found a piece of newspaper crammed in the bottom of the bag. When I opened the newspaper I found it was the June 11^th Police Blotter. Yea!

Usually I collect many of the Blotters and share the best entries but I only have one Blotter but it has some funny stuff in it.

Monday 6/2

Someone called from a local park to report that a man there was lying in the grass in an awkward position. An officer found the man comfortably napping in the sun.

One Kalispell resident reported that the neighbor’s dog was loose forcing others in the neighborhood to arm themselves with shovels.

A Hungry Horse resident complained that four 12-year-olds were running loose behind his house and screaming.

Someone staying in a camper parked on Flathead Drive reported that someone had been outside shaking it. A deputy found that a deer had run into it and left a dent.

Tuesday 6/3

A woman on Shelter Ridge called in to report that the local bunnies have eaten all her flowers.

A Conrad resident reported that earlier that morning he watched a kid shove a wad of weeds into his mailbox.

A Kalispell resident said that his neighbor threatened to shoot him after he threatened to shoot the man’s dog if it trampled his flowerbed again.

Wednesday 6/4

An Evergreen resident with a habitually loose dog claimed that he would rather pay fines than keep his dog out of the road.

A Hungry Horse woman reported that her neighbor jumped off his bike and “charged” her. Apparently, he thought she was trying to steal his dog. She claimed that she found his dog and wanted to return it.

A Bigfork woman saw a vehicle in her field and suspected the trespassers were a bunch of “elderly liberal women”.

Thursday 6/5

Someone reported that a seemingly intoxicated man was perched on the side of Central Street playing with silverware. The man told an officer that he was on medication, but just felt generally “happy”.

A resident on Eighth Avenue West complained that his neighbor was outside practicing his elk bugle again.

A local woman reported that she received, as a gift, a human skull from a man with dementia.

A Bigfork woman reported that her adult son, who lives in a tent out back, threw a dinner plate.

A man on Highway 35 in Bigfork had a neighbor call 9-1-1 for him to report that his soon-to-be-ex-roommate stole a hat from another neighbor. The victim neighbor later told a deputy that she found her hat on her hat rack.

As I was nostalgically tossing the crumpled Police Blotter from the Flathead Beacon in the trash, I notice they had a website: FLATHEADBEACON.COM. I decided to take a look and what do I see? The Police Blotter and the first entry I read: A complaint was made about the notorious “taco dog” on Klondyke Loop in Somers. Now I don’t have to wait until summer to giggle. But it’s still more fun in that tiny crowded kitchen making dinner and laughing with friends.

Paco’s Perspective

Hey, I thought I was the notorious :taco dog”!

The Flip Side

I would like to report that the bunnies won’t stay out of our yard, and I get tired of chasing them. A guy can’t get a nap around here with all the bunnies, lizards and hawks.

Paco's Perspective and the Flip Side

Cathy is on Fall Break, so Paco and Flip decided to do the blog and share what happened to them this morning.

Paco’s Perspective

So I am outside enjoying the beautiful “fall’ weather just quietly minding my own business, okay, I wasn’t being quiet and I wasn’t minding my own business. I was barking at every thing, and person that happened to go by. Well, there I am guarding my property when all of a sudden I see a huge hulking figure dropping from the sky coming straight for me! There’s a loud squawk and I look up to see a hawk with his talons aimed at my furry little neck. I can’t get my little legs to move my stocky, not fat, stocky self out of the way.

I’m thinking I’m doomed and out of nowhere Flip arrives flying through the air like a super hero snapping, snarling and growling. The hawk loses his focus (which was on me) and flies over to the top of the horse stalls and perches just staring at me. Flip places himself between the hawk and me and lets the hawk know he is not getting anywhere near me.

The red-headed stepchild, Flip, saved my life. Flip, who sticks his nose up at me like a rich lady at a pair of Target shoes. Flip, who has no compassion for me  or anyone saved my life. I guess the next time he shoves me out of the way and steals my food I won’t get so upset.

So, I have to take a nap and process all this “Flip actually saved my life” stuff. I just hope I don’t have dreams of giant, hulking hawks.

Thanks, Flip, my brother from another mother!

The Flip Side

So there I am in MY backyard watching MY lizards playing outside of MY fence just out of reach thinking of how I can lure the lizards to MY side of MY fence when I get tired of thinking and decide to go inside MY house and take a nap in MY bed. As I am ambling toward MY personal-sized doggie door, out of the corner of my eye I see a huge hawk coming towards MY bunny-free, bird-free, velvety soft, green lawn. I’m wondering what is this dude is thinking attempting to land on MY lawn, so I instinctively take action.

I leap toward that huge hulking figure trying to get to him before he touches down. As I am flying through the air ready to grab a chunk of feathers with my incredibly strong teeth, I see Sir Barks Alot in MY path! That little nuisance! As I try to avoid his sqatty body, I just miss the hawk. But I scare him enough that he doesn’t land on MY velvety-soft, green lawn and perches on top of the horse stalls. Well, I very aggressively let that hawk know he is not welcome on MY lawn at MY house.

Whew! That was a lot of exercise so early in the morning! So, I head toward MY house for a nap in MY bed, and Sir Barks Alot keeps thanking me for saving his life. I hate to tell the little nuisance that I was just guarding MY stuff, but I think I’ll let him think I saved his life because every dog can use a little hero worship now and then! 

Authors Flip and Paco live in Waddell, Arizona on a small two acre ranch. Flip enjoys keeping his lawn free of 

bunnies, birds, and lizards. Paco spends most of his free time twirling, barking and licking grout. They both love Chef Michael's dog food, any kind of treats, and golf cart rides through the neighborhood.

No One Has Come

In 1963 I became a student at Holiday Park Elementary School in the Cartwright School District and one year later my brother, Brad, also, became a student. This might not seem too amazing to my readers but what was amazing is that my brother and I shouldn’t have been allowed to attend school because at that time children with disabilities were not allowed to attend public school. The Education for All Handicapped Children Act (Public Law 94-142) that required public schools to give ALL students equal access to a free and public education wasn’t enacted until 1975.

When I entered school in 1963 my physical disability wasn’t noticeable at the time. When my mother registered my brother, who was in a wheelchair, the next year the principal of the school, Bob Smith, hesitated to allow Brad to attend. My mother explained that his disability kept him from walking but not from thinking and she further explained that I had been attending the school for a year already and I had the same disability as Brad.  Miraculously, Mr. Smith allowed both of us to continue to attend. Many may not understand the precedent this man set but it is phenomenal! Throughout my public education I always saw other handicapped children besides my brother attending school and didn’t think anything about it. I thought everyone was allowed to attend public school. But what I failed to know is that handicapped children were NOT attending public school anywhere else in the city or state. 

My brother and I wouldn’t have attended college, if we hadn’t had a public school education because at that time educational facilities for the handicapped were teaching life skills not skills that made one college ready.

I graduated from Trevor Browne High School in 1974 and The Education for All Handicapped Children Act was still one year away. If not for the forward thinking of the leaders of the Cartwright School District in 1963, I would not have graduated from Arizona State University with a teaching degree. I applied to be a teacher in the Cartwright School District because I knew that the Cartwright School District would never wait to be told to do what is right for children and I wanted to be a part of that forward thinking.

This is my thirty-seventh year of teaching in the Cartwright School District. I have taught many different grade levels and have held many different positions throughout my career. I have taught at Holiday Park, Peralta, Tomahawk and now Borman. I came to Borman last year for many reasons: My dear friend, Norma Jauregui, asked me, I felt like I was getting myself in a rut and I needed to stir things up, I wanted to team teach with Colleen, I wanted to gender split and I wanted to make a difference.

Borman is a struggling school. We have a C rating almost a B but almost only counts in horseshoes. When Colleen and I made the decision to come to Borman, many asked with a confused look on their faces, “Why?” I had a friend who is now a substitute once ask me, “Did you come to Borman because you wanted to or because you had to?”

I want the world to know that I came to Borman because I WANTED TO COME TO BORMAN. When I visited Borman and taught Saturday School at Borman while I was making my decision, I saw a light in the eyes of administration and staff that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I saw a dedication to excellence. I saw a new love for children. I saw in the administration and staff a group of leaders that would do what is right for students without being told. I made the decision to teach at Frank Borman Elementary School and there hasn’t been a single second that I have regretted that decision.

The 2014-15 school year Borman started with ten unfilled positions: one eighth grade, four seventh grades, one fourth grade, one part time music, one part time art, one ISS and one math interventionist. Since then one position, part time art has been filled, also, a fifth grade teacher recently resigned and the reading interventionist for the upper grades has been “subbing” for one of the unfilled seventh grade positions.

As many already know, I am not one to keep my mouth shut. I should because it gets me into so much trouble when I open it. I have had to face some difficult consequences for opening my mouth and speaking out. This time, I have tried to press my lips tightly together, shake my head and smile but I can’t do it anymore.

We have been given permanent subs (OXYMORON). We have subs that have been asked to teach curriculum that is way beyond their scope of understanding. This is through no fault of the substitutes. How could anyone expect someone that has taught first grade his or her entire career to “permanently” teach in an upper grade classroom? Substitutes are not expected to write lesson plans. Substitutes are not expected to participate in team meetings. Substitutes are not expected to stay for classroom management professional development. Substitutes are not expected to put grades in the grade book, common assessment grades on the Google docs, give mid term grades or do quarterly progress monitor. Whose hands do these responsibilities fall into? You guessed right!

To many of my readers that are fellow teachers at other schools in the Cartwright School District, I am not writing this to get sympathy or assistance. I have the greatest respect for and faith in the teachers and administration of Borman. I know we will work together and quietly get the job done. (Well . . . not everyone will do it quietly. Again, this is a problem I have.)

I am shouting out to the leadership of Cartwright School District. We at Borman K-8 Elementary School feel forgotten by you. It would be nice, if just one person in district leadership would come and say, “We know what you are dealing with. We are not thinking, ‘ahhhhh, it’s just Borman, who cares?’  We are doing everything we can to fix this. And we want to thank you and we are sorry."

Thank you to the PE. teachers that can’t teach their curriculum because they have taken on the extra special class positions.

Thank you to the teachers that spend hours on the weekends writing lesson plans for the substitutes.

Thank you to the teachers that spend their prep time prepping for substitutes.

Thank you to the Borman administration that has spent countless hours monitoring unfilled classes behavior management.

Thank you to the teachers that have had five to ten extra students from different grade levels in their classrooms daily.

Thank you to the teachers that put in all the extra hours to do all the work that substitutes are not expected to do.

Thank you to the grade levels that know they have the numbers to get another teacher but don’t ask because they know there is no way it is going to happen.

Parents and students of Borman, we are sorry that we are not providing the educational opportunities to the students of Borman that we are to other schools in the Cartwright School District and we will fix this!

It is time for the Cartwright School District leaders to come. The leaders that I have always respected since 1963 because they have always been on the forefront of doing what is right for children. It is time to come to say thank you. It is time to come and say we are sorry to the parents and students. It is time to come to listen and understand. It is time to come to explain.

But, no one has come!

Paco’s Perspective

#1 You never learn your lesson do you, Miss Shout Out?

#2 I can teach twirling and grout licking, if you need me.

The Flip Side

#1 I can teach lizard chasing and rabbit scaring.

#2  . . . Uhhhhh . . . I forgot what #2 was . . . . .

 

Oh, Boy! Oh, Boy!

As many of my readers know, I team teach and my partner and I gender split our two classes. One needs to know there is nothing like a drama filled class of 40 girls unless it is an extremely stinky class of 34 boys. Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Adolescent boys are stinky.

The worst part about being in a room of stinky boys is the smell percolates throughout the day like a coffee pot. And the one person in the room that doesn’t smell gets used to the smell and doesn’t realize how bad it is until one steps out of the room and comes back. A room full of adolescent males in the late afternoon after P.E. and lunch recess punches me in the face like a knockout right hook. Then it permeates into my nostrils and sets up a campsite where it stays for a long time and eviction is impossible.

Many of you that have teenage boys or have ever been a teenage boy know what I mean. Think of the worst teenage boy smell: your older brother’s room, that your mother refuses to go into and clean, filled with piles of discarded sweaty sock, pants, and underwear that could probably walk to laundry room on their own if your mother allowed your brother’s bedroom door to stay open, your son’s football bag that houses his “lucky” underwear that he refuses to let you wash it until his first loss or the season’s end, or your dog after he has played in the irrigation ditch. Put those smells together in a room that was designed to hold 25 students but has been crammed full with 35 to 40 students and you know what I experience daily.

When we switch classes and the girls enter, inevitably, one of them will say, “Miss Cunningham, it smells funny in here. It smells like . . . . like . . . “

“Boy?” I reply.

“Yes, boy! Like my brother’s dirty bedroom.”

“Or when my brother forces me to smell his armpits!”

“Yes, ladies, you’ve got it. This room smells like . . .like . . . “

“BOY!” they reply in unison.

The other day I had the opportunity to smell something worse than boy. I had some boys that owed me lunch and recess. They are expected to go get their lunch and bring it to the classroom on their own. Three boys hadn’t shown up when I expected them to so I decided I would go and get them and bring them back to the room and let them have it.

When I left my building to go to the cafeteria it was sprinkling. When I found the culprits and started to take them to the room when we opened the door there was a deluge of rain pouring from the heavens. It wasn’t just raining cats and dogs it was raining elephants and giraffes. I figured if we stayed in the cafeteria it would stop in a few minutes and we could get to the classroom with no worries.

Well, twenty minutes later, my teaching partner showed up drenched because it was time to pick up the students from the cafeteria. We can’t stay in the cafeteria because others need our seats, so we lined them up and walked the hundred yards to the classroom. It felt like we walked a mile. It was raining so hard I had to take my glasses off so I could see, if I was going to trip over the elephants it was raining. When we made it to the room my skirt was two feet longer from the weight of the amount of rain it soaked up. The boys were so wet I had to let them take off their shoes and socks so that maybe their feet might dry. It was bad!

Let me tell you there is no smell worse than BOY unless it is WET BOY!

Paco’s Perspective

A smell worse than the smell of a classroom full of wet boy might be the smell of a cafeteria full of wet kid!

The Flip Side

All I can smell is LIZARD!