Monday, November 3, 2014

Hurray! I found the Police Blotter!

While in Montana, one of our favorite things to do is read the Police Blotter from the local paper The Flathead Beacon. The Police Blotter has crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s Department. Visitors can’t wait until the new Beacon arrives. We congregate in the kitchen, have drinks, make dinner, read the Police Blotter and laugh until we cry or pee our pants whichever comes first.

I was cleaning out the backpack on my wheelchair the other day and found a piece of newspaper crammed in the bottom of the bag. When I opened the newspaper I found it was the June 11th Police Blotter. Yea!

Usually I collect many of the Blotters and share the best entries but I only have one Blotter but it has some funny stuff in it.

Monday 6/2

Someone called from a local park to report that a man there was lying in the grass in an awkward position. An officer found the man comfortably napping in the sun.

One Kalispell resident reported that the neighbor’s dog was loose forcing others in the neighborhood to arm themselves with shovels.

A Hungry Horse resident complained that four 12-year-olds were running loose behind his house and screaming.

Someone staying in a camper parked on Flathead Drive reported that someone had been outside shaking it. A deputy found that a deer had run into it and left a dent.

Tuesday 6/3

A woman on Shelter Ridge called in to report that the local bunnies have eaten all her flowers.

A Conrad resident reported that earlier that morning he watched a kid shove a wad of weeds into his mailbox.

A Kalispell resident said that his neighbor threatened to shoot him after he threatened to shoot the man’s dog if it trampled his flowerbed again.

Wednesday 6/4

An Evergreen resident with a habitually loose dog claimed that he would rather pay fines than keep his dog out of the road.

A Hungry Horse woman reported that her neighbor jumped off his bike and “charged” her. Apparently, he thought she was trying to steal his dog. She claimed that she found his dog and wanted to return it.

A Bigfork woman saw a vehicle in her field and suspected the trespassers were a bunch of “elderly liberal women”.

Thursday 6/5

Someone reported that a seemingly intoxicated man was perched on the side of Central Street playing with silverware. The man told an officer that he was on medication, but just felt generally “happy”.

A resident on Eighth Avenue West complained that his neighbor was outside practicing his elk bugle again.

A local woman reported that she received, as a gift, a human skull from a man with dementia.

A Bigfork woman reported that her adult son, who lives in a tent out back, threw a dinner plate.

A man on Highway 35 in Bigfork had a neighbor call 9-1-1 for him to report that his soon-to-be-ex-roommate stole a hat from another neighbor. The victim neighbor later told a deputy that she found her hat on her hat rack.

As I was nostalgically tossing the crumpled Police Blotter from the Flathead Beacon in the trash, I notice they had a website: FLATHEADBEACON.COM. I decided to take a look and what do I see? The Police Blotter and the first entry I read: A complaint was made about the notorious “taco dog” on Klondyke Loop in Somers. Now I don’t have to wait until summer to giggle. But it’s still more fun in that tiny crowded kitchen making dinner and laughing with friends.

Paco’s Perspective

Hey, I thought I was the notorious :taco dog”!

The Flip Side

I would like to report that the bunnies won’t stay out of our yard, and I get tired of chasing them. A guy can’t get a nap around here with all the bunnies, lizards and hawks.

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