Friday, January 21, 2011

"You Know What"

WARNING: Adult Conversation
I just recently had a birthday and turned fifty-five. (I am not afraid to state my age because my parents were told that my life expectancy would be sixteen years, so every day past the age of sixteen is a celebration.) Every year around my birthday I take time to reflect and for some unknown reason I have been thinking about how my thoughts and expectations about "you know what" have drastically changed over my many years. I am definitely not an expert in "you know what". I have had "you know what". I don't like to discuss "you know what" and I definitely do not like "you know what" innuendos. I feel the people that constantly make "you know what" innuendos and continually discuss their prowess with "you know what" really aren't getting "you know what" and are probably bad at "you know what."

One might ask, "Cathy, if you are not an expert at "you know what" and you don't like to discuss "you know what", then why are you writing about "you know what"? My answer is incredibly stupid. The new house is in a more rural area than we lived before and Verizon does not work well in this area and I have Verizon internet. In order to get it to work, I have had to hold the receptor with my left hand in the air as I try to type with my right hand while not breathing. So a decision was to made to get high speed internet with Cox. Yesterday it was hooked up. It is wonderful! I was so excited that I actually left my part of the house (I am a hermit.) to express my joy about the new internet service. I shouted to whomever would listen, "I just want to say OMG about the new INT.  It is the greatest. It is better than anything I have  ever experienced. It is better than 'you know what'!" (Oh, no! I just made a "you know what" innuendo!) And then at around 3:30 am, I was thinking when did getting high speed internet become much more exciting than "you know what"? And that led to how my views and understandings about "you know what" have changed.
Here is the progression of my understandings and thoughts about "you know what" over many years:
 from
"You know what"? What's "you know what"?
 to
Ohhhhhh, that's "you know what"!
to
I wonder what it is like to experience "you know what".
to
I hope "you know what" is better than ice cream.
to
After reading many sleazy romance novels, if that is what "you know what" is really like, I want some.
to
Really, that's all there is to "you know what"? It is not better than ice cream.
to 
I hope "you know who" comes over more often for "you know what".
to
I love "you know what".
to
I hope when "you know who" comes over that he doesn't want to "you know what".
to
I am so glad that when "you know who" stops by once in a blue moon that he doesn't even mention "you know what".
to
That movie had way too much "you know what"!
back to
"You know what"? What's "you know what"?

Here is the worst part as one gets older there are so many more things that are more important and more exciting than "you know what". And as I get older my list of things that are more important and more exciting than "you know what" gets longer:
My List of Things That Are More Important and Much More Exciting Than "You Know What"
  • pie
  • sleeping through the night
  • pie
  • having an illustrious bm
  • pie
  • high speed internet
  • pie
  • watching a great tear jerker
  • pie
  • strategically placing cheater reader glasses throughout the house where they can be easily accessed at all times
  • pie
  • reading a good book
  • pie a la mode
 
Paco's Perspective
  • treats
  • going for a walk
  • treats
  • dinner 
  • treats
  • twirling
  • treats
 
The Flip Side
  • dinner
  • chasing lizards
  • dinner
  • chasing lizards
  • dinner

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