Sunday, January 9, 2011

Cracked Up

When one moves into a new house one must open the house to many workmen. There is the TV guy, gardeners, tile guy, bugman, security guy, phone guy, painter, heater repairman. Then there are the movers. I personally don't have family in town and you know I don't have any friends, so I didn't have anyone to help us move. Thank God for the Payne clan. We had brothers, brother-in-laws, sisters, sister-in-laws, nieces, nephews, sons, daughters, fathers, boyfriends, and girlfriends. All these people are climbing up and down ladders, bending over to lift boxes, crawling on the floor, etc., etc., etc. And with all the installers, repairmen, and movers comes many a buttcrack. I have seen more buttcracks in the past two weeks than I ever thought possible. 

Through my totally unintentional observations, I have found that there are many categories of buttcracks.There is the peeker. The barely visible crack that just peeks over the edge of the the belt loops. This is the shy buttcrack. Then there is the Grand Canyon. The crack wide enough to go river rafting.  Next, is the talker. As the workman moves up and down the ladder, it is as if there are lips moving. If only I was a ventriloquist. Next, there is the squeezer. This crack is so tight that the workman could carry his tools there. Finally, the never ending crack. That is when the young gardeners pants are sagging so much that when he bends over to pull some weeds one wonders, if it will ever end. Through my totally unintentional observations, I have learn that visible buttcracks are not gender specific. Yep, the cable girl has one too!

I am sure the next words out of your mouth would be, "Well, Cathy, why are you looking at everyone's buttcracks?" My answer would be it's all unintentional. I am a crippled kid and buttcracks happen to be directly at my eye level. Buttcracks and belt buckles, buttcracks and belt buckles, I won't even start on the belt buckles!

Paco's Perspective

Hey, what kind do I have? Let me twirl, so you can see. Do you see it? Do you see It? Do you see?

The Flip Side

I don't know what you are talking about. Do you know how many new bushes there are around here that I must pee on? And the lizards are everywhere!!!


  1. I used to have a collection of buttcrack pictures. From around the world. I'm serious. My friends would travel, see a buttcrack, snap a picture and mail it to me.

    One time I was at a lake, and a father and his little boy were sitting on the edge fishing, and BOTH were in full on buttcrack glory. A generational photo! I pulled out my camera, but before I could snap, they stood up. I almost cried.

  2. Ha! This is so unbelievably true. Having recently moved, I experienced the exact same thing. Unfortunately, while I was busy laughing at everyone else, my wife pointed out that I have the same problem myself every time I crouch down to get a box. Ugh.