Thursday, November 26, 2009

If You Get an Outfit, You Can Be a "Sistah" Too

In many of my blogs I refer to my "sistahs". I am often asked, "How many sisters do you have?" My answer, "It depends on the day." You can be a sistah, too, there are just a few qualifications:

If you wanna be a sistah, you gotta laugh. Your laugh must be loud, long and distinctive. Someone could record all my sistahs' laughs and I can tell one from the other. For example, my laugh, due to my respiratory problems when I laugh I suck in air like a donkey. It sounds like this: heh, heh, heh, heh, heeee-haw, heh, heh, heh, heeee-haw. You must be able to laugh until you cry, pee, spit, or fart. When laughing you must leak something from somewhere.

If you wanna be a sistah, you gotta appreciate sarcasm and wit. When you come to a gathering of the sistahs sharpen your tongue before appearing. The sistahs can be vicious. Above all else, do not take what has been said as personal, even if it is. There shall be no crying at a sistah gathering, unless it is at a sad movie or you are laughing.

If you wanna be a sistah, you gotta like to shop. You don't have to buy. There are many poor sistahs. You must be able to shop long and hard. As my sistah Peggy would say, "Let's go window shopping 'til the windows get heavy!" When the little sistahs (when I say little I mean skinny) want to go clothes shopping everybody has to go, and everybody must go into the dressing room. If you are a big sistah (when I say big I mean large), when one of the little sistahs asks, "Does this make me look fat?" you must respond, "Oh, no, not at all." Even though you want to wrap your chubby little fingers around her scrawny neck and squeeze until her skinny, well-proportioned legs shake.

If you wanna be a sistah, you gotta be competitive. There is a difference between athletic and competitive. You must want to win at everything: golf, Yahtzee, Scrabble, 10,000, shopping. (Yes, shopping is a competitive activity!) You must want to win whatever is set before you. You may not cheat and you may not be a poor sport, but you may jeer and make fun of others.

If you wanna be a sistah, you gotta get crazy. You must be ready for anything at any time. I am not very good at this part, but I am an original sistah, so they have to keep. I am usually the one that is saying, "Shhh, we don't have to sing, 'If you Like Pina Coladas', so loudly." or "You get down from that table and YOU get out of that tree!" or "No, really, we don't need to jump in the lake naked." or "It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye." The sistahs have participated in some wild activities.

If you wanna be a sistah, you gotta find the finer points in men. Anyone can man bash, it takes extraordinary skills to point out the finer points. And I don't mean, "Ooooo, did you see those Wranglers that just walked by?" You must state the good wholesome qualities that we know all men possess, but some people can't see.

The sistah hood is not an exclusive group. We don't have a secret handdshake, but if you want to make one up . . . . We don't have an "our song", but if you want to write one . . . . . We don't have special shirts, but if you want to design one . . . . . Join us. Anyone can come to a gathering even a brothah can be a sistah. My sistah hood moments have been some of the best experiences of my life.

Paco's Perspective

You make me wear many crazy outfits. Oh, brother, I think I AM a sistah.

The Flip Side

I love to play dress up! Brother Paco's outfits are cool. Hey, I think I am a sistah. I am going to start thinking up a handshake and a little ditty, today


  1. I'm only good for five out of six, actually four and two halves. Where does this leave me? I could design the shirts. And where were YOU at the last work meeting? Missed you. I hope all is well.

  2. OMG, tables and trees and naked lake-jumping! Now I want to be a sistah!

  3. I know I'm a sistah cause I laugh like a gir (teehee) and I sing loudly and off key. I also dance in the aisles of any store when the music reaches inside me!