I have spent many hours in country bars watching people dance. Caren, my sister, is a great dancer, and the best place to practice is in bars. Watching cowboys waltz cowgirls around the dance floor is where I acquired my fondness for cowboys' butts in Wrangler Jeans. Honestly, there is nothing like a well-fitted cowboy's butt in a pair of Wrangler Jeans. Whoever decided that baggy pants were cool is an idiot and I am sure it wasn't a woman. There is nothing that makes me laugh more than watching a young man try to walk down the street while holding his pants up.
As I spent many evenings watching watching butts sashay by another friend, Bev, and I would give names to the "regulars". The regulars are the ones who are always there. The regulars know who they are and know of each other. The regulars nod at each other and give a little wave, but they couldn't tell anyone the other regulars' names. The names Bev and I gave to the dancers were based on their dancing, their outfits and their attitudes:
Eighth grade sweater: He was a tall, lanky, Napoleon Dynamite guy with red hair that wore the same argyle sweater! Every time I saw him he had that sweater on. It reminded me of sweaters that I saw in Junior High. I am sure he was a nice guy, but when one gets ready to go out and looks in the mirror, wouldn't one think, "Hey, I wore this sweater last night."
Princess and Cord: I think Cord was the guy's name, believe it or not and Princess was the girl he always danced with. When they danced Cord would twirl Princess around and around and around and around. Princess would just smile, never sweat, and never get dizzy. She reminded me of one of those ballerina princesses inside the music box I had as a young girl. That ballerina princess inside my music box had that permanent grin, never sweat, and never got dizzy.
Stinky Barry: Caren named this one. She said he was a good dancer, but unlike Princess he DID sweat. Caren insisted that if one was going to dance with Stinky Barry, one needed to do it early in the evening before it was too late.
Gumby and Pokey: I may be showing my age, but I hope readers remember a children's show called Gumby. Gumby was a flat, rubbery, green guy and he had a flat, rubbery horse named Pokey. Gumby didn't move very well. He was very stiff. Gumby and Pokey were a couple that always danced as if they were made of clay with a wire stuck through them. Of course, the only people that understood the joke were old people like Bev and I.
Dick and Honey: Dick and honey were my favorite couple. They loved themselves. They thought they were the greatest dancers in the world. They would only dance during the band's break because others usually didn't dance during the band's break. But not Dick and Honey, because they wanted the dance floor all to themselves so everyone could see their sexy moves. And that is why I named them Dick and Honey because during one of their sexy moves I was sure that Dick said to Honey, "Remember, this is where you grab my *&%#, Honey!"
Unfortunately, I too was considered a "regular". The other "regulars" used to nod hello and wink, but they didn't know my name. But I am sure that they had a name for me, just like I did for all of them.
I twirl around and around and around and around. Anyone want to dance with me?
The Flip Side
Is Knucklehead my real name or my made up name?