Small Town Crime

I am spending the summer in Bigfork, Montana and the more I am here the more I love small-town life. Life in Bigfork is slow slower than a snail with sore feet and it is as lazy as a forty-pound tom cat. One of my favorite things to do is read the local paper, The Flathead Beacon. I especially enjoy reading the Police Blotter section. Small-town crime is hilarious. Below are some examples taken directly from The Beacon (bolded words are my thoughts):

A Kalispell resident asked about the extent one would need to go to legally neglect a pet. He was also curious about fines and how much such things might cost a person.

Someone found an abandoned crate containing one undesirable cat.

The Kalispell resident must have chosen abandonment over neglect.

A Bigfork man described a suspicious substance falling from the sky. A deputy discovered it was pollen.

         No really, one can’t make this stuff up.

A Kalispell resident reported that multiple men were undressing and dressing in a front yard on Eighth Avenue West.

         Can’t a team practice for the annual Fourth of July Undressing and Dressing Competition without someone calling the police?

A senile cocker spaniel has lost its way home.

In Montana, a senile cocker spaniel that has lost its way home is called bear snack.

A resident on Yeoman Hall Drive captured a spaniel-type dog.

         Yea, maybe the senile cocker spaniel isn’t a bear snack.

A Kalispell woman called in to asking to speak to a specific deputy but refused to say which.

         NO COMMENT!

A young man broke down and refused to function after his parents took his Xbox away.

The parents commented, “He is twenty-seven and it is time he found a job.”

A man used curse and swear words to describe three loose dogs. He warned that if the law enforcement didn’t take care of the animals, he would do it himself.

         Curse and swear words are two different things?

A pack of loose dogs consisting of a “lap dog”, Great Dane, and black Lab have been risking their lives, according to one resident, with their ramblings.

Apparently, they escaped the clutches of Mr. Curse and Swear Words.

Wayfaring dogs have been conducting their evening gatherings at the Silver Shadow Estates.

I bet it’s that “lap dog”, Great Dane, and black Lab hanging out by the lamppost, smoking, and laughing about their life-risking ramblings. 

Paco’s Perspective

Hey, Flip, you are an adventurer. What about joining that pack? I think you would enjoy yourself.

The Flip Side

SQUIRREL!