Janet is definitely not a morning person. When we drive to work there is dead silence in the van. Now I am a morning person, I am willing to talk to anybody about anything at any time. I have learned over the years that I shouldn't initiate conversation with Janet in the morning. Every once in awhile, Janet will say something and when she does I am at the ready.
The other day, we were driving to work and Janet spoke! "Hey, look those horses got out of the pasture and they are getting into the hay." Someone's horses had got out of their pasture and they were happily eating all the hay. "We should stop and let them know their horses are out." But we didn't stop because Janet is like Caren when she is driving, we must get where we are going on time or early. As we drove down the road, Janet spoke again, but louder, "Oh, no! His bulls are out!"
Now I am not used to listening to one speak in the morning, so I didn't hear her at first, "Someone's balls are out?"
"No, look his bulls!" Sure enough there were two bulls walking down the road. One huge dude and a young one. So, then Janet decided to go back and tell the person whose animals had escaped from the pasture. When we got there someone else had stopped and was knocking on the door, so she decided that we would go and keep the bulls from wandering off! When we got back to the bulls they had stopped by one of the neighbors pastures that is full of cows. It looked as if the were having a conversation:
"Hey, what are you doing?" asked Big bull.
"Hee, hee, hee, nothing!" giggled the cows.
"Hey, I think there is better grass down that way," said Little Bull as he wandered farther down the road.
"Dude, you're killing me! I gotta go ladies," shouted Big Bull as he went after Little Bull.
We pulled into the driveway of the house with the cows to deter the bulls from wandering any farther but they just walked right by, so Janet decides to get out of the car. "Where are you going?" I asked.
"To stop the bulls they are almost at Cotton Lane it won't be long before they get to the 303," she replied.
As she was getting out of the car I wondered, "How does one stop a 1300 pound bull and his 600 pound little buddy?" Apparently, with a full on body block, all she needed was tight pants, a little hat and a magenta capote (cape). Fearless stepped right in front of the bulls, looked them right in the eye and said, "Go home!" And they did for awhile, but when they got passed the lady cows Big Bull decided he wasn't finished flirting with the ladies and turned toward Janet who happened to be between him and his lovey ladies. Big Bull made his way back to "the girls", so Janet picked up some stones and started throwing them at Big Bull. He looked at her, fliped her off and continued to chat with the girls. Janet found a broken oil dipstick on the ground, walked right up to Big Bull and smacked him on the butt and shouted, "I told you to go home! I have to get to work!"
And he and his little buddy started to move, but when they got to another driveway Little Bull walked down the driveway and into the street and Big Bull felt obligated to go after him and Janet felt obligated to save them both from being hit. The three of them looked as if they were doing a Mexican Hat Dance and Janet is shouting,"No bull, no!" What amazes me is, as this is going on people are driving by, watching, but NOT STOPPING. People are driving by watching a lone woman doing a Mexican Hat Dance with 2000 pounds of bull and no one stopped to help.
Finally, a neighbor heard Janet's screams and he came out with two bullwhips to help her. When he handed her the whip he said, "If he charges you, slap him hard right between the eyes with this whip." Bulls move faster when one threatens them with a bullwhip instead of a broken dipstick. Together they guided the bulls the mile and one half distance back home.
Where was everybody? one might ask. The neighbor that stopped to wake up the owner couldn't rouse anyone at the house, and he saw that Janet had everything under control (little did he know) that he went home to saddle his horse because he realized that another bull was missing. The owner finally woke up and informed everyone that third bull had been taken to the slaughter house yesterday.
When Janet got back to the van I said, "Ole, torera! That was quite an adventure!"
"Yea, the worst part was that walk back to the van. AND we are going to be late!"she replied.
"Hey, at least I have something to write about on my blog, thanks!"
"Anytime," she replied. Then we continued to drive to work in our normal silence.
Don't bulls know when Mama Janet says jump they should ask how high.
The Flip Side
How many pound does a lizard weigh? Is there such a thing as a lizardwhip?