It’s that time of the year and Cathy is too busy
to write. She asked if Paco and I would like a turn at writing. OCD Paco can’t
stop twirling and licking the grout long enough to write, so it is up to I, Sir
Flip, to write this week.
I want to tell you the story of my first Lizard
slaying, but first I must tell you how I found M’lady, Cathy. Many say t’was by accident but I
believe t’was fate. I had been held captive by a wicked, cat-loving queen since
birth. She kept me in the backyard, gave me food on occasion, and I was made to
sleep outside on the bare ground. Her cats glared at me from the inside and
laughed at my situation. I had become a straggly, forlorn substitute of my true
knightly self. My fur was matted, my bones were very visible, and my heart was
broken.
I decided, no not I, fate decided t’was time for
me to move on. I waited for my opportunity, a forgotten open gate, and left. I
spent many days on the road. At times I wondered, if fate had dealt me a worse
hand. Unfortunately, I had found myself traveling on a road with many cars. I
had not had enough knightly practice at dodging cars and I had many near
disasters. Then a car stopped and another knight, who I later learned was named
Sir Dave, stepped out of the vehicle and said, “Come here, Sweetie!” SWEETIE? Apparently, my rough exterior had shadowed my manly prowess, but I didn’t care
because I was tired and hungry. Anything was better than wondering the streets
in search of food and shelter. I ran and jumped into Sir Dave’s arms.
We drove a short distance and Sir Dave tossed me
in a room with a fellow four-legged knight known as Paco (lousy name for a
knight). This knight was unable to make any kind of conversation with me due to
his inability to stand still. I took advantage of the abundant water and food
and free access to a soft bed. As I slumbered, that knight Paco barked at every little
noise. This four-legged knight had the wrong name; I went to him and tried to
stare him in the eye and said, “I dub thee, Sir Barks Alot!” As the day
continued, I wondered had fate led me to another prison, but just inside.
Many two-legged creatures came to the room and
spoke to us through the prison gate. I later learned their names to be Sir Ben,
Princess Breeze Louise, and Princess Alyssa. As I was cuddled, loved and petted by
each, I knew I had found happiness but t'was not the true happiness my heart
was in search of.
Then it happened! Two more two-legged creatures
approached. One, I could tell was the alpha and to my surprise was a female. I
had never met a female knight with the heart of a lion, Lady Janet. When Lady
Janet speaks all four-legged creatures listen with intent and awe. She has a
gentle way with creatures. And then fate came through the door in a wheelchair.
Ahhhhhhh, a permanent lap, my heart’s desire I knew t'was she I had been
looking for. T'was she I would slay dragons for. T'was she, M'lady Cathy. I
jumped into her lap, settled myself into the crook of her arm, and I knew I was
home.
I have resided with M’lady Cathy for almost three
years. I have kept her from harm’s way. I have chased the squawking blackbird
from the castle garden. I have soothed her broken heart with my kisses. (I, true
knight that I am, must be honest; M’ lady doesn’t really like my kisses, yet, but I have
soothed her broken heart!) I have chased the dreaded lizards away.
I have never had the opportunity to catch a lizard
until the other day. M’lady was talking with a gentleman about renovating the
castle walls. Apparently, M’lady doesn’t like the appearance of the exterior
castle walls. She had left her chamber door to the garden open. I have tried to
tell her many a time to not leave the chamber door open (that’s how the snake
entered), but she doesn’t listen like a dog sometimes. I was luxuriating in the
recliner and all of a sudden I heard M’lady shout, “Janet, lizard! Flip lizard!
Help, lizard!” I descended from the recliner; I dodged Sir Barks Alot, and
there t’was. Generally, the lizard is far too quick for myself, but this one
had panicked himself into a corner. I had him in my clutches and Lady Janet
appeared, “Flip, drop it!” I do what Lady Janet says; I dropped it. “No, no not
in here,” commanded Lady Janet, “get him.” I captured the evil creature again.
“Take him outside,” commanded Lady Janet. I obeyed. I dashed through the
four-legged escape hatch. I heard Lady Janet scream, “Now drop it.” I obeyed.
She grabbed and brought me inside. She put me down and I ran for the escape
hatch because it is my duty to slay the evil lizard. Lady Janet grabbed me
again just before I got the evil lizard in my clutches one more time, “Sorry,
Sir Flip, there shall be no slaying of the lizard in this castle.”
Alas, I was so forlorn, t’was my chance to prove
my strength and Lady Janet said no. I sadly jumped in M’lady Cathy’s arms. I
covered her with kisses and she still didn’t like them. But, M’lady scratched
me behind the ear and whispered, “I appreciate your valor and the valiant
effort to protect this castle and those whom reside inside from danger, Sir Flip.” I
crawled into the crook of her arm and went to sleep and dreamed of slaying
lizards.
Paco’s Perspective
First, excuse me, Don Quixote, what’s with the
knighthood crap? Second, I am NOT OCD, I am NOT OCD, I am NOT OCD! Finally,
“t’was I, Sir Barks Alot,” that chased the itty, bitty lizard into the corner.
You got some imagination, kid!
