In my younger days I have spent many hours in country western bars. My father taught my sister, Caren, to dance. Caren is very competitive, so she has to be the best at everything this includes dancing. Well, to become the best one must practice, therefore I have spent a tremendous amount of time in country bars watching Caren dance.
If one went to a country western bar, one needed to be mindful of the "uniform": Men-tight Wrangler jeans, roper boots, shirts tucked in, belt buckle the size of a dinner plate. (The size of the buckle, the size of one's hand and so forth), Women-tight Rockies, ropers, shirts tucked in, belt buckle much smaller than men's belt buckles. If one chose not to wear the uniform, one was open to ridicule, being ostracized, and given a tacky nickname by me
Because I am in a wheelchair, I am at a certain eye level that emphasizes my ability to view the Wrangler Butt. I appreciate the Wrangler Butt. A pair of tight Wranglers can even make a buttless man have a butt. Over the years, I became quite an aficionado of the "Wrangler Butt". Okay, I’ll say it I have a deep love for an arse in a pair of Wrangler Jeans and I don’t care what the face connected to that Wrangler Arse looks like.
Alas, it has been a long time since I have been to a country western bar. When I stopped driving I stopped going places. I stopped driving over twenty years ago which stopped my pleasurable journeys to The Land of the Wrangler Butts! I had to give up a lot of things when I stopped driving, but I think the loss of the observation cycle of the Wrangler Butt was one of the top ten losses.
Recently, I was watching T.V. which unfortunately is my new pastime and a “country western” singer took the stage. I recognized the voice but, sadly, I saw no Wrangler Butt! The boy (I am unable to put the word cow in front of that word boy.) was NOT wearing Wranglers. He wasn’t even wearing jeans! He was wearing a pair of ripped sweatpants! Sweatpants? Really who wears sweatpants when one is trying to look good? And don’t get me started on the ripped t-shirt and backwards baseball cap! Where have all the Wranglers Gone? (Heavy sigh!)
Where have all the Wranglers gone,
Long time passing,
Where have all the Wranglers gone,
Long time ago,
Where have all the Wranglers gone,
Tucked back in closets every one,
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the Wranglers gone,
Long time passing,
Where have all the Wranglers gone,
Long time ago,
Where have all the Wranglers gone,
Gone to sweatpants every one,
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Friends, we must take a stand! There is nothing attractive about baggy, ripped sweatpants. The buttcrack and underwear view is very offensive. Friends, I implore you, stand up for your right to see a cute arse in a pair of tight jeans. Friends, at your next “country” concert when the lead singer comes out in a ripped t-shirt and baggy sweatpants stand up and shout, "We're not gonna take it! We're not gonna take it! We're not gonna take it anymore!" Okay sing it, if you want.
Stand Up for Wrangler Butts!
I’ve been told that the cowboy “uniform” is a thing of the past. That one must change with the times. I want cowboys to stick around. I want to see Wrangler Butts! When I die and go to heaven, I want to follow “the light” into a cowboy dive with a line of cowboys, real men, standing at the bar with their backs to me and all the bar lights angled just right so they shine on those Wrangler Butts. Slowly, those cowboys will turn, in unison, look at me, tip their cowboy hats, shuffle their cowboy boots, give a little head nod and say, “Howdy, ma’am! Were glad you came! May we have this dance.”
Paco's Perspective
You have made me wear some really ridiculous stuff, but never a pair of tight Wrangler jeans. I could be jor leetle vaquero!
The Flip Side
The cowboy uniform? Do lizards wear uniforms? It might be easier for me to catch them. If I knew what they were wearing!
Osa’s Opinion
I can see next year’s Christmas card . . . . Paco and Flip in jeans and cowboy hats and me in a silly prairie dress.
